Autism Therapy: empathy

We all know that extended families can provide incredible help as the immediate family pulls together to support a child with autism. Sometimes, however, extended families just don't understand the situation and what they can do to help. Here is an example of a letter that one member of our community sent to her extended family to help them to understand her son.

Please click the edit button above and paste in examples of other letters that you have sent to your extended family to help them to understand.

== Letter ==

Dear....

I want to tell you how much we enjoyed seeing you again. Thanksgiving is such a special time of year to gather families together. 

It has occurred to me that, although we told you a few years ago about the diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, we have not kept you up-to-date with what we can expect from our child as he grows older.

I don’t know if you remember the basics of his diagnosis. Aspergers is a form of autism, which exhibits problem behaviors clustered in three main areas:

• Lack of social abilities
• Obsessive-compulsive tendencies
• Language difficulties

Lack of social abilities

In Aspergers, this deficiency is exhibited by a profound lack of empathy and understanding of other people. This leads to a failure to behave appropriately in social situations and an inability to comprehend and consider the needs of other people.  The person may not be able to interpret other people’s actions and thus may respond to them
oddly or incorrectly.

Obsessive-compulsive tendencies

Here, the person cannot ignore or distract himself from inner wants and desires.  He is likely to get stuck desiring a particular action and meltdown--unable to go further than demanding a fulfillment of this desire. Another contributor to this problem is the person’s sensory sensitivity and difficulty in dealing with changes in his surroundings. This makes him vulnerable to stresses that may not be readily apparent to others, and may lead him to increased reliance on comfort rituals and objects.

Language difficulties

A person with Aspergers appears to be entirely fluent in language. If anything, he talks too much.  With his lack of social understanding and obsessive tendencies, the person is apt to talk incessantly and interminably about the esoteric minutiae of a single favorite topic which is the overriding interest in his life. He tends to interrupt often, without the ability to recognize that others need to participate in the conversation or possibly change the subject.


Another topic which is mentioned quite often is Executive Function.  Executive functions are that rather vague but very important set of faculties which enable a person to set realistic goals and to coordinate, organize, and complete a project.  Often Autistic and Aspergers people have a profound lack of these abilities.  They cannot learn or master these skills, and that inability severely impacts their personal and professional life.

I imagine you have seen all these characteristics in my child through the years. What the Aspergers diagnosis tells us is that, unfortunately, most of these difficulties are incurable and will respond to instruction only with a slight change.  We have been told that, unfortunately, his condition is not likely to improve substantially in the future.

We have tried, through modifications in his schooling, through counseling and psychiatric advice, and through development of his various talents (computer programming, pipe organ, mathematics) to find an area where he can be productive and develop self-help skills.  Unfortunately, he has been unable to succeed at any of these tasks, in spite of his many talents, predominantly because his executive function is so deficient.

So, the trick becomes to give him as many coping skills as we can to smooth his interactions with the outside world.  This is, of course, complicated by his lack of realization that there is anything about him which needs changing. (Remember, he has no ability to compare himself accurately with others).

In the opinion of all of the professionals who have worked with him, he will almost certainly never work on a consistent basis, and will always need some form of sheltered environment. Our need to plan for this becomes a major concern.  He has been qualified by the Social Security Administration as unemployable, and receives Social Security Disability payments, but, of course, his long-term situation remains a worry.

And there we are in a situation that is always changing and yet, ultimately, remains the same.  We would welcome any ideas from you-sometimes a new view is helpful.  In the meantime, if you care to delve further into Autism and Aspergers syndrome, the internet is great, though naturally, the material must be tested for validity against other sources, and applied with care, remembering the unique combination of a wide range and variety of disabilities in each person. 

This letter is longer than I had planned, but I wanted to share with you some of our knowledge and concerns.  We’ve learned all this bit by bit, so perhaps the information is not so overwhelming for us. We find, however, that it is still a lot to take in and accept.  Sometimes I feel a bit like Sisyphus in Greek legend who keeps pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down to the bottom.  Mom sent me a cartoon once. It said: We may not know what’s around the bend in the road, but usually its more road.  Sigh.