Autism Therapy: on-task

            I really wish I had more time to write.  I’m sure everyone understands that this time of year, things are completely cuckoo-bananas.

            Anyway, I left off right before Thomas’ conference, which went very well.  We brought both of the kids along which seems to be the thing to do at Thomas’ school.  Everyone brings their kids along for every little meeting and get-together.  We felt like outcasts for not bringing at least Thomas to the first Open House.

            In addition to our family of four and Thomas’ teacher, the resource teacher also attended Thomas’ conference.  She made a point of explaining to us that Thomas’ progress is being charted along with his classmates, and for many of his goals she wrote that his class is still learning that particular concept, so he is neither behind nor excelling, but progressing as expected.  Thomas’ teacher only had very good things to say about Thomas and I can tell that everyone really enjoys working with him, which is so wonderful.  I know what I go through on a daily basis with Thomas and I always hope sincerely that he is not behaving the same at school.  It appears as though he does work hard and try harder at school than he does at home.

            I’ve turned over a few new…leafs or leaves?  Anyway, I implemented some changes around our house as I’ve realized that I do way too much for the kids.  I look around and realize that Thomas is nearly six years old now and there’s no way I should be putting his shoes on for him every morning, getting his coat on and zipped, and so on.  I held a “Zipping Seminar” for the kids about a week ago.  An hour or so before dinner, I helped the kids put their coats on and then taught them how to zip them up.  It only took a couple of minutes for Hayley to master the concept and implement it, and it took Thomas only a little bit longer.  I was very proud of both of them and they are now both zipping their jackets like pros.  The problem I have with Thomas doing any self-help or personal hygiene chores by himself is that he takes FOREVER.  Yesterday morning, I thought that I had been abducted by aliens because it seemed like we started getting ready to go to school around 8:05 a.m. but by the time I got the kids in the car it was 8:26 a.m. and the first bell had already rung.  Yikes.  There’s about twenty minutes of time in there that passed by so quickly I didn’t even realize it.  I got Thomas in the building just in time, but because of this, I now see that getting on coats, shoes, hats, mittens and scarves, and sometimes boots is a half-hour procedure at least if I let the kids do it themselves, which I must do.  Thomas has a difficult time staying on-task and needs many verbal cues to do what he is supposed to do.  I know that he is just waiting for me to get frustrated and pressed for time so that I do it for him, but Jonathan and I have both explained to the kids that we wouldn’t be very good parents if we did everything for them all the time.  We say that it is our job to teach them how to take care of themselves because one day, we won’t be around to do things for them.  That statement opens up a whole other can of worms usually, but we’re very honest with them about life and death.  They know that everybody dies sometime and usually, nobody knows when that will be.  Luckily, the kids don’t lie awake nights wondering if their number’s going to be up soon.  We told them not to worry about it and they seem not to.  Especially with Thomas, however, we really need him to understand how important it is for him to learn to take care of himself.  Hayley has a drive to do things for herself and usually will get dressed by unassisted if I ask her to.

            In addition to getting dressed and getting ready for school, I’ve begun to insist on the kids washing themselves properly in the tub and brushing teeth (and in Hayley’s case, hair) by themselves.  I sit in the bathroom with them and talk them through it, but I’ve really begun to see that I’m not doing Thomas any favors by treating him like a baby.  Sigh.  Those days are definitely over as he’s about to turn six.  And Hayley’s four-going-on-fourteen.  We’ll see how it goes, but I’m really trying to push independence.

            Tomorrow is Thomas’ school Holiday Sing at the local high school.  I’m very excited to see how he does.  He participated in something similar when he was in preschool, but it was on a much smaller scale.  I have no idea what they’re going to sing (non-denominational songs about snow and candy canes, most likely) but I’m eager to see how he does.  I wonder if the much bigger high school stage (I assume it’s bigger; I’ve never seen it) will intimidate him, or if the bright lights will distract him.  Mostly, I think that Hayley will be shouting to him from the audience.  Which reminds me, I have to charge up the video camera tonight.

            Thomas did much better in school when I was there last Tuesday.  We had a long talk about how his teacher is there to help him, but I’m there to help the teacher.  This apparently sunk in because he was not at all clingy last week, completed his work and only relied on the teacher and the aide for help.  Today he was also purposefully ignorant of my presence, but it was a difficult day for all of the kids, for some reason.  Thomas would NOT stop talking.  Before the teacher read “The Gingerbread Man” to the kids, she put the weighted vest on Thomas and this really helped him settle down.  She usually pairs the kids up and reads a few pages.  Then she asks the kids to discuss the story so far with their partners.  Thomas was Hayley’s partner today and he was so adorable.  Every time the teacher stopped and asked a question, Thomas would turn to Hayley and repeat it.  She would answer it pretty accurately, too.  After the story, the weighted vest was removed and Thomas resumed his motor-mouth.  He wasn’t bad, he was just talking when he should have been listening.  Many of the kids were out of sorts today, so there must have been something in the air.

            Thomas said something very sweet today.  The social worker came in for Thomas and another little boy today, which she does every Tuesday.  Thomas, who is not always eager to leave the classroom, got right up, took her hand and said, “Wow!  You look so beautiful today!”  Of course, the social worker blushed and thanked Thomas, saying that he had made her day.  I think that she’s expecting, and at that difficult time when people don’t know if it’s extra weight or a baby bump, so his kind words worked wonders on her.  He comes up with those zingers every now and then and melts the hearts of whomever he’s talking to.

            Hayley, on the other hand, has zingers of her own.  We got all of our Christmas shopping done this past weekend, thanks to my mother-in-law taking the kids from Friday after school to Sunday afternoon.  We met at our regular rendezvous point on Friday and I put the kids and their bag into her car.  We were standing outside Hayley’s open car door, just talking for a minute when Hayley said, “Look, Grandma!  I’m wearing a freakin’ hat!”  Grandma laughed herself sick while I stood there with a “this is clearly my fault” look on my face that also made her laugh.  It was hard not to giggle at Hayley, who could tell that she had said something extremely entertaining and has been using the phrase “freakin’ hat” ever since.  Job well done.